March 17, 2004

Women Dejavuu

I've been crush once...I'm falling in love once..I've been lied once, so what is the hell with me? Too much romantic novel I've read? Too much romantic film? Too soft heart? Too weak with feeling? Or been curse with the destiny? I've been thingking lately...about relationship between men and women..try to put me in..but fail..I've no common with it..this 'love' things not suite with oil n spark..I'll try so much..but still,I'm heart cant go on with this crazy things anymore...I must ran away or leave it one can hurt me one can lied to one can make me head over heal like yesterday..I will not beg or bended one knee just to feel n taste ectasy of love...if it come, it come...i dont believe in love anymore!

In this life nowdays, love cant give cant give is nothing..nothing to me! Love is just a get some but you loose everything.Not everyone married with love in the air..not every marriage happily ever after..only pain and suffer waiting the one who in love..gain nothing in return...what is love? Love cause so much things..but i dont gain anything from it..i loose everything! My heart, my pride, my sacrifice, my loyalty..everything. I built them for a decade but, it turn to dusk in just 2 minute! How terrible...working hard but loosed it easily.

Is this a task that I have to pass? Is this a game toward my future? And I have to play it? With what? Emm...everybody make me bored. Always talking about 'love' n mens..especially-Cik Kuntum...she always said about our we are 100 yrs or something..dearly, we not live just for love only, we live for what we want and fight for...go to hell with mens, we already tried to impress them cik kuntum, but their are 'blind'..we done to many sacrifice or helping them..not that we want something in return but, can them just offer their gratitude and be there when we want?...we not hoping much but just take us as what we are..dont look outside but try to understand inside..look it deep n they will fine the 'treasure' that we hide for a long time..and only the wise one will see it...Cik Kuntum is still waiting and hoping for her "Festive Ghost" to notice her and say the magic word at last...she already told him what lay beneath her patient..ignore her pride n high ego just for him..not 1 but at least 3rd time...but "Festive Ghost" still ignore n act like no effect to him..he still act normal n cool..poor Cik Kuntum...:((....When we try to be sincere and give what most precious thing in one the 'thing' cost nothing..can you imagine? nothing! So, Cik Kuntum stop chassing him..he dont see you as you are..he dont treasure what important in you...he not appreciate what you do to him..he dont even care if he hurt your feeling...or make you cry everynite..he is a MAN, after all!!....We must love ourself not anyone...coz if we hurt, we got only ourself to hold on to.

Enuff, I dont want to face only bring heart-ache not happiness..if love bring happiness, only last for a short moment...and gone. Then, only left me to pick the pieces of my heart!

My mashi,
Patient in me plz...i cant promise you anything, like you said-let the nature for me, my faith is gone!

Abah, i love u so much..the only man in world i love!- your dearly daugther

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