July 09, 2009

emotional breakdown(bleeding inside)

after 2 week of 'agonisation'..deep drawn emotion..lifeless brain, i'm come back to breath to the surface. jumbo mambo feeling toward people..watery eyes..sensitive (so alike bella swan),i'm gaining back my control. this emotion hurting me so much inside. i dun knw wat trigger it! i try to soothe my mind but it wont go away. clinging to me like sticky gum below ur lovely shoe..yukkkk!

for 2 week i can't control my mind n heart. wonder what i want most in life. what if all this is not enough for me? wat if, i want more than i can hv? yup, how ungrateful i was back then. on my trip to KL to buy lokong lense, my mind recall back my relationship. it goes back to 10 yrs ago, during my 'childish'but hepi yrs at kuantan. how i control the freedom life as a student, and then a little lost by it..without my parent eyes watching every move. those happy day wont come again. it past.gone. what all my frenz doin rite now? successfull? having children? getting rich? die?

all of them give me something to remember and gain some experience to face the future. i kept on guessing what happen if i still with that boy..or that guys or that man. if i still in food and beverage course..cont to study wat i like most..or still working at my hometown.what will i become rite now? weird kind of feeling..it like a projector workin in my head.

then my hunger for lokong is soo deep. waving like an angry ocean. hot with every passionate lover know. i'm obsessed with him but i can't 'connect' with him that weeks. he's not in the rite mind to reach me there. yeah, it confused him more n more about his wife. insane? maybe hahahhaha..struggle to become normal again. is this depression? oh my...i dun want that.

so many thing i want to buy but the 'winter pocket' is tight. using for my next project. but this is mega sale month, elloooo? can some1 lend me more many..i still can't erased the red h/bag at parkson in my mind..it sooOOOOoooooOOOooooo ME!



Minie said...

sabo jelah mak iti neh.. perubahan hormon tu mcm pembawakan budak jerk!.. keng3x.. kalo agak2 dh ada tanda2 tu kirim2kanlah kabo biter kat cheq nooo.. bley wat kenduri kesyukuran... aminnnn!...

mak iti Jr said...

tgh sabo lah nie..sabo 'berusaha'!

blum reseki le chikmin..entahlah, dh putus asa dh nieeeee..


snow said...

isk isk nk kena sebat montot neh.. memacam makiti sejak menjak aku tak turun bawah selalu dh neh ek.. nanti lah aku turun bawak rotan beso